What I saw at the fair

The Russian emigre who works at the dry cleaner has an accent like Natasha, as in Boris and Natasha. "You are going to the fair?" she asked on Saturday. "Yes, indeed," I said, "I've gone every year since I moved here in 1992.

"I live here eight years and I have never been. What is there to see?"

"Fat people," I said, "lots and lots of fat people."

True of course, but true like mild cheese, nourishing yet boring. Here's what I saw that wasn't boring:

1. Goats, one of which was eating a steel-link dog chain.

2. Dogs running an obstacle course. My corgi Luther would rip my throat out if I asked him to do even one of those jumps, tunnels, see-saws, or ramps.

3. Young men with muscles.

4. An old man who sat next to me on a bench and, between bites of pepperoni pizza, told me that it isn't the heat that bothers him, it's the humidity.

5. The entire cast of extras from Winter's Bone.

6. A display on how and why bees swarm, useful knowledge because my neighbor Mel has become an amateur apiarist, and just last week his bees swarmed.

7. Some cupolas, after which I won an argument over how to pronounce cupola.

I didn't get a scotch egg or a turkey leg, so maybe I'll go back. Or maybe not.

Day two at Lollapalooza

On day two of Lollapalooza I set out to find the tattoo that stands out, the one that says, "yeah, you old fart, you think everyone regrets this decision eventually but here is artwork for a lifetime." Lollapalooza is certainly the place for that quest; I saw at least a billion. But not one went beyond the expected and ordinary. Maybe it's hidden so that only lovers will ever enjoy it. I hope so.

I did see a Chicago flag belt buckle; I'd never seen one before. Here it is without the human. The first star is for Fort Dearborn, founded in 1803, the second for the Chicago Fire of 1871, the third for the World's Columbian Exposition of 1893, the fourth for the Century of Progress Exposition of 1933.

I saw one good t-shirt, a category more depressingly obvious and ordinary than tattoos: "Because, without beer, things do not seem to go as well." I like its polished sense of dramatic understatement.

And I was stretched out in the sun on the wall of a stairway, listening to Gypsy punk band Gogol Bordello, when a young hipster with muscles and a grin looked at my socks and said, "best socks in the place." Then he was gone up the stairs. It was one of those odd fillips that makes one feel at home in a strange place, and I'm grateful to him.

As for Gogol Bordello, it was the best live musical performance I've ever sat through, so that even if I don't find that tattoo, the adventure will have been worthwhile.

Day one at Lollapalooza

About a year ago I made the radical decision to follow along with my son William's alternative rock avocation. This meant simply that instead of saying, "turn that down," I said, "what is that?" I'm not reporting this to prove what a good parent I am, but instead to explain why I'm spending three days at Lollapalooza in Chicago.

Here's what's worth noting after one day.

1. The city I lived in for 27 years is unrecognizable. This is probably true of anyplace when you don't come back for 18 years, but it's not just the way it looks. The zeitgeist has changed; it doesn't feel, smell, taste, or sound like Chicago. It's a nice hipster rich city, but it's not Chicago.

2. Pork belly is in. At Lollapalooza at least four stands of four different ethnicities are selling something made of pork belly. This means it will be in Minneapolis in two years.

3. When accosted by Rock the Vote about the November election, a teenager behind me in line said, "What election?" This is not remarkable, but when told the election is for the House of Representatives and the Senate, the look on his face said he had no idea what those are.

4. Emailing clients while standing in a crowd being blasted by sound improves both business and the concert experience.

5. It was Hiroshima Day and no one mentioned it.

6. You can sometimes believe The Wall Street Journal. They recommended seven bands and the first one I saw, Wavves, was terrific.

7. Short shorts with low boots is in. This means it will be in Minneapolis in two years.

And now I'm going to get ready for day two.