What I saw at the fair

The Russian emigre who works at the dry cleaner has an accent like Natasha, as in Boris and Natasha. "You are going to the fair?" she asked on Saturday. "Yes, indeed," I said, "I've gone every year since I moved here in 1992.

"I live here eight years and I have never been. What is there to see?"

"Fat people," I said, "lots and lots of fat people."

True of course, but true like mild cheese, nourishing yet boring. Here's what I saw that wasn't boring:

1. Goats, one of which was eating a steel-link dog chain.

2. Dogs running an obstacle course. My corgi Luther would rip my throat out if I asked him to do even one of those jumps, tunnels, see-saws, or ramps.

3. Young men with muscles.

4. An old man who sat next to me on a bench and, between bites of pepperoni pizza, told me that it isn't the heat that bothers him, it's the humidity.

5. The entire cast of extras from Winter's Bone.

6. A display on how and why bees swarm, useful knowledge because my neighbor Mel has become an amateur apiarist, and just last week his bees swarmed.

7. Some cupolas, after which I won an argument over how to pronounce cupola.

I didn't get a scotch egg or a turkey leg, so maybe I'll go back. Or maybe not.